The New Pattern...
is bitchy blog, nice blog, bitchy blog. I did the nice one on the last entry. This here is the bitchy one.
My kids are driving me up the wall today. Not even up the wall, possibly up the clocktower, where I will stand with my sniper's rifle, picking off the gigantic rabbits that live here, in an attempt to rid myself of stress. Seriously, the rabbits here are huge. I'm talking more like a medium-sized dog than a rabbit.
They just don't listen (now I'm back to the kids, not the rabbits). I'm beginning to think that a mother's merit should be based more on the amount of self-control she manages to exercise than anything else. I have had to go to the bathroom, lock the door and count to ten more than once today. And still, I feel like I want to put them in bed at 5:43 p.m. and hit the sauce.
I feel like an automaton who does the same things and says the same things all day long:
"Stop jumping on the couch"
"Stop hitting your sister"
"No, you may not have Care Bears fruit snacks for breakfast"
"Stop hitting your brother"
"She had it first, let her play with it"
"Stop pulling all the cushions off the couch"
"Stop!!!!"
"Sit on your butt nicely"
"Say please"
"Say thank you"
"Walk!!"
"Please don't dump your crackers all over the floor"
Pleeeeeeaaaaseee...and then when she does, all the while looking right at me, I go to the bathroom and bang my head against the locked door and say $@(!*$$*@(*$)@!!!!!! into a towel. Apparently, fake swears make a link to something...
I know you'll all laugh when I say this, but seriously, I don't mean to complain (hah!, yeah right, Rachel). We have been getting on very well in the single-parent life. And I keep thinking about Jen, downstairs with Carson and Nick and how they have been alone since we got here and will be alone for awhile longer. She does it all for them and she does a lot for other people, and not once have I heard her complain. I feel truly ashamed to complain about one bad day.
But it has been a bad day. Both of the kids have been mouthy and rebellious and obnoxious and let's think of a few more "ous" words to describe them: monstrous comes to mind. They were pure, undiluted evil at the commissary today. I didn't even take them to the main commissary. We went to the little one, the one with child-sized carts. What? They didn't follow along behind me, obediently pushing their carts like a picture in a Dick & Jane book? "Mother chooses cornstarch while Josiah and Annika obediently wait". No. I think I'll have permanent scars from Josiah barking my heels with his little cart.
They have been beating on each other all day. Maybe this is what I get for having them so close together (sorry, Gen)...Annika is almost as big as Josiah and I'll bet she weighs almost as much as he does. He's small and she's big for her age. I warned Josiah that the day would come when he'd start getting back what he gave. The day has come. And she's vicious. She's going to be a black belt.
Josiah told me that he didn't like me today. Well, join the group, bud. They number in the thousands and the number goes up every time we go somewhere in public and you're a little cretin. I told him that it's not my job to make him like me, it's my job to make sure he doesn't grow up to be a butthead. Yeah, I used the word "butthead".
It's been a super! day!
My kids are driving me up the wall today. Not even up the wall, possibly up the clocktower, where I will stand with my sniper's rifle, picking off the gigantic rabbits that live here, in an attempt to rid myself of stress. Seriously, the rabbits here are huge. I'm talking more like a medium-sized dog than a rabbit.
They just don't listen (now I'm back to the kids, not the rabbits). I'm beginning to think that a mother's merit should be based more on the amount of self-control she manages to exercise than anything else. I have had to go to the bathroom, lock the door and count to ten more than once today. And still, I feel like I want to put them in bed at 5:43 p.m. and hit the sauce.
I feel like an automaton who does the same things and says the same things all day long:
"Stop jumping on the couch"
"Stop hitting your sister"
"No, you may not have Care Bears fruit snacks for breakfast"
"Stop hitting your brother"
"She had it first, let her play with it"
"Stop pulling all the cushions off the couch"
"Stop!!!!"
"Sit on your butt nicely"
"Say please"
"Say thank you"
"Walk!!"
"Please don't dump your crackers all over the floor"
Pleeeeeeaaaaseee...and then when she does, all the while looking right at me, I go to the bathroom and bang my head against the locked door and say $@(!*$$*@(*$)@!!!!!! into a towel. Apparently, fake swears make a link to something...
I know you'll all laugh when I say this, but seriously, I don't mean to complain (hah!, yeah right, Rachel). We have been getting on very well in the single-parent life. And I keep thinking about Jen, downstairs with Carson and Nick and how they have been alone since we got here and will be alone for awhile longer. She does it all for them and she does a lot for other people, and not once have I heard her complain. I feel truly ashamed to complain about one bad day.
But it has been a bad day. Both of the kids have been mouthy and rebellious and obnoxious and let's think of a few more "ous" words to describe them: monstrous comes to mind. They were pure, undiluted evil at the commissary today. I didn't even take them to the main commissary. We went to the little one, the one with child-sized carts. What? They didn't follow along behind me, obediently pushing their carts like a picture in a Dick & Jane book? "Mother chooses cornstarch while Josiah and Annika obediently wait". No. I think I'll have permanent scars from Josiah barking my heels with his little cart.
They have been beating on each other all day. Maybe this is what I get for having them so close together (sorry, Gen)...Annika is almost as big as Josiah and I'll bet she weighs almost as much as he does. He's small and she's big for her age. I warned Josiah that the day would come when he'd start getting back what he gave. The day has come. And she's vicious. She's going to be a black belt.
Josiah told me that he didn't like me today. Well, join the group, bud. They number in the thousands and the number goes up every time we go somewhere in public and you're a little cretin. I told him that it's not my job to make him like me, it's my job to make sure he doesn't grow up to be a butthead. Yeah, I used the word "butthead".
It's been a super! day!
Comments
Ahhh, a wise mother once told me that the true measure of being a good parent is how many times you want to sell your children but resist the urge. (That was you, Rachie).
Maybe you should try letting them beat each other up? I mean, you'll have to clean up the blood but if somebody gets knocked out it = break for Mommy!
Like I said, the rest of the two weeks has been good. Our trip to Garmisch was fantastic...today was just hell for some reason.
I've had a glass (or three) of wine and am feeling better.
I forgot to add that the best part of all the scolding I do is that we have no A/C and all the windows are hanging open. So, the whole neighborhood can probably hear me.
Oh well, like I'm alone. I've overheard plenty of yelling at kids around here.
If nothing else, it's an excuse for Mel Gibson, right?
One more thing - - Congratulations, Jan! I am so proud of you.