As long as...

this doesn't happen at Harvard, circa 2025.

Josiah had preschool graduation today. Yes, that's right, he had a little cap made from construction paper with a golden yarn "tassel". He got a tiny diploma, all rolled up and tied with a little ribbon.

I had to make treats. God, how I loathe making treats. Probably because I have inherited my mother's awesome cooking and baking skills. I put off buying supplies to make anything until yesterday. The only place to get groceries here on base on a Monday is the shopette, which is like a glorified gas station. I figured if I couldn't find anything good at the shopette, then we'd saddle up and head for a German grocery store. Last resort, of course.

We walked in. I tried to let Josiah pick out the treat, but he chose strange things, like Crisco ("Mommy, it has pie in it!"), Cheetos ("They're good enough for Britney Spears!"), and pancake mix. Oh, and the inevitable M&Ms. We have so many half-eaten bags of M&Ms in this house. And how pathetic would it have been to be the mommy who showed up with a bag of M&Ms for a treat? I may as well wear a sign that says "I am lazy".

I was saved when I discovered that the shopette carries chocolate devil's-food cake mix and chocolate frosting. Bless you, Duncan Hines! I was saved. Except...this meant that I actually had to bake something. Gulp. Sure enough, I followed the directions to the T, but the first batch came out gooey. The second batch of 12 was perfect. I waited for six hours for them to cool and then Josiah and I applied sprinkles...voila! Let me just say that sprinkles cover a multitude of imperfections.

Of course, some wench at the graduation had made alphabet sugar cookies. Letters A through Z, each one spread with a different shade of radiant, sugary icing and covered with icing squiggles in contrasting colors. And sprinkles and various other sundry geegaws. Damn you, whoever you are, for raising the bar inordinately high for the rest of us. Grrrr....

So, you're wondering...exactly what happened at graduation? In front of a roomful of parents, most of whom I have never seen, Josiah declared that he was "too tired" to wear his mortarboard and participate in the ceremonies. He came back and sat next to me. And while that would have been plenty embarassing in and of itself, Annika decided to take his place and recieve his diploma by proxy. She ended up sitting in front with the graduates, joining in the lusty singing of the ABC song and "Wheels on the Bus".

It probably wouldn't have been that embarassing, really, if Josiah wasn't already well-known as "the boy who refuses to join the group". I imagined all of the other parents giving each other knowing looks and pointing at me behind my back and nodding. Why yes, my imagination is quite active, why do you ask?!

Afterwards, we enjoyed treats. For a few minutes, everything was peaceful, then Annika got something that she didn't like and spat it out on the floor. Josiah found some enormous Cheetos and was soon covered head to toe in sticky orange crumbs and goo. I'm pretty sure that I'll find it in his ears and nostrils tomorrow when I bathe him. This is another reason why I hate Cheetos. After Annika got into her second cupcake (my own fault) and also ended up covered in chocolate glop, I decided that I had had enough. Between feeling like "the mother who can't control her children" and the mess they were creating, I had had enough.

Josiah, here's hoping that subsequent graduations go a little more smoothly. You can count on me to make cupcakes...!