The Happiest Place on Earth
IF you don't mind a substandard hotel room, a continental breakfast lacking in anything but croissants, weather that can change with the drop of a hat, everyone and their three-year-olds chainsmoking while simultaneously pushing and barging into lines, and...
Well, you all get the idea. I would love to be an optimist and say that we had a wonderful time. The truth is that I'm completely and unabashedly a pessimist. We had a semi-decent time. I give it 1-1/2 stars out of four.
Where to start? The drive was not unbearable...we got a later start than had originally been planned (someone forgot to set an alarm)...the drive was actually lovely. The kids watched a movie and then fell asleep, leaving Hans and I to listen to music and admire the scenery of eastern France. While not as dramatic as Austria, France has its own sort of beauty.
There was a man in a beret walking a poodle at the first gas station we stopped at...I almost took a picture. Almost. It was just too perfectly French. I would have taken a picture if he'd been smoking (surprisingly, he wasn't) and carrying a loaf of French bread. Now that would have been a picture!
Anyway, we arrived at Disneyland just after lunch. The entire trip took just five hours and cost a little less in tolls than I thought it would. Which is nice, considering the dollar versus euro rate right now...it's awful.
We checked into our hotel. All of the hotels at Disneyland have "themes". Ours was the Cheyenne Hotel...so the theme was African safari. I kid. The theme was the American West, surprise! The hotel was really cute, actually. On the outside, anyway. It was set up in a series of small buildings, all made to look like the main street of an Old West town. We were in the Jesse James building. There was also a Calamity Jane, Cochise, Sitting Bull, and to my severe disappointment, a Wild Bill Hickok building *. I really would have liked to stay at the Wild Bill Hickok building. Oh well.
So. Those of you who have been to Europe are well aware that European hotel rooms are usually a little less...opulent than we are used to in the US. Unless, of course, you stay at really crappy hotels in the US. I tried to keep reminding myself of this fact as we checked into our extremely expensive hotel room. I tried to keep an open mind. I failed.
The size of the room was actually decent. The furnishings were cute and certainly appropriate for the Old West theme. Meaning, the bed was merely a mattress on a crude wooden frame. A very small mattress. They could have foregone the TV completely because the one they offered was maybe 13". The kids were overjoyed to discover that they had bunkbeds. I'm glad that they were happy. I, meanwhile, was noting the fact that they gave us four extremely small and threadbare towels, no handtowels or washcloths and a little bar of soap. Period. End of story. The bathroom was none too clean, either. Grotty is a good word for the bathroom. And speaking of linens, our beds were equipped with the flattest pillows I've ever seen, a fitted sheet and a comforter. No sheets came between us and the bedspread. I tried hard not to have nightmares about black lights all night long...
God bless me, I'm sure this is just the way they operate. It's just...for $400 per night...I was expecting at least a washcloth and some fluffy pillows. Dang. So, we were a little disappointed in the room.
However, we shook it off and proceeded to the park. Had a meal "on the cheap" at a little cart vendor. Three hot dogs, two Cokes. $25. Ack. I mean, I knew that food was going to be expensive. I thought I was prepared, but when one is getting charged $8 for two Cokes...eeek. The Kuehl in me rebelled against that. I wish we could have brought our own food in, but they search bags at the entrance and confiscate food. We witnessed someone getting can after can of Heineken pulled out of their backpack.
The weather was cool and gray, which was good in that the park was almost empty. We toured Frontierland first, rode the paddlewheel boat, checked out a couple of shops, completed target practice at the toy gun range. Josiah and Annika got to meet Woody and Jessie from "Toy Story" (pictures to follow). That was adorable...he was so excited and just had to give Woody a big hug. The pictures tell the whole story.
We then took the Disneyland train over to Fantasyland. Had another snack (because we're schmucks and enjoy handing over our money). Rode the Dumbo flying-elephant ride, which everyone thouroughly enjoyed. Annika was very disappointed to have to get off. She tried to get back into our Dumbo and threw a tantrum when I tried to explain to her that we had to exit and let other people have a turn. I'm sure it's hard for a two-year-old to understand. And the rides were a little short.
Then we did the teacups. Hans did not throw up. We're all very proud of him!
Then, "It's a Small World". Actually, we rode that three times in a row. It was getting close to closing time and there was almost no line, so we got off the boat, ran around and went through three times. The kids really enjoyed it...they were actually struck speechless. Which means they are either sleeping or completely awed by something.
So...we had fun on Thursday afternoon. We were in the park for about three hours and I feel like we accomplished a lot and enjoyed ourselves.
Friday, we woke up, got ready to go and headed down to the saloon or whatever to have our "included in the room price" breakfast. Oh silly me, for as much as we paid for that room, I was expecting a good spread. Eggs, bacon, toast with fifteen varieties of jams and butters, hash browns. More bacon. Possibly a third serving of bacon.
Wroooonnng. It was "continental" breakfast...I experienced breakfast disappointment on a grand scale. After tossing and turning in the miniscule bed (besieged by fears of bedbugs), showering in the grimy shower, drying off with a towel the size and absorbancy of a Kleenex, and observing that it was raining (hard) outside...the least I expected was a fantastic breakfast.
What we got was croissants and jam, cheese cubes, dry cereal and Nescafe. The place was absolutely thronged. No order existed anywhere. Oh, did I mention that Europeans generally don't believe in queues, in standing in line nicely and neatly? This trait was bad enough in the park, but worse when trying to procure my plate of croissants. Oh, not to mention that hello! The tongs are there to use, not to adorn, people!!
Luckily, the rain stopped mid-morning, so we headed over to the park. We went first to the Disneyland Studios park, rode some rides. It was sunny for awhile, then suddenly, without warning, the sky darkened and it was raining and then hailing on us. Everyone pushed and shoved and rushed all of the theaters and indoor attractions.
Twenty minutes later, it was sunny again. Then gray and drippy, then sunny. I swear, I have never seen any place with such moody damn weather as Paris. No wonder the French are so grouchy. Actually, all of the French people we met at Disneyland were very pleasant. Well, except for the one guy at the gift shop who was extremely nice to me and making comments about my French name and was my husband nobility and blah, blah, blah (with an accent), but when Hans came around, was very rude to him.
Anyway. Around 3:30, Hans looked at me and I looked at him and we headed for the exit point. Checked out of our hotel early, loaded up the car and headed for Stuttgart. We're not sure what happened. Perhaps it was the weather. Perhaps it was our utter disappointment with the hotel. Perhaps it was being pushed, shoved and smoked on by everyone. Perhaps it was the fact that our children, despite being at Disneyland, were bored. Perhaps it was the fact that Hans and I are really quite anti-social people and hate crowds and had really gotten in over our heads. I don't know. All I know is that I won't be going back to Disneyland Paris.
Thank you, dear readers, for letting me vent. And now, let me share some of the pictures of the good moments. Because there were a few. Good moments.
* Have just finished season one of HBO's "Deadwood". It is fantastic. Go out immediately and beg, borrow or steal it. And be prepared for the most egregious use of the "f" word ever. Seriously, someone should make "Deadwood" into a drinking game. You'd be drunk in 10 minutes flat. It's still excellent though. The show I mean, not the swearing or the proposed drinking game.
Well, you all get the idea. I would love to be an optimist and say that we had a wonderful time. The truth is that I'm completely and unabashedly a pessimist. We had a semi-decent time. I give it 1-1/2 stars out of four.
Where to start? The drive was not unbearable...we got a later start than had originally been planned (someone forgot to set an alarm)...the drive was actually lovely. The kids watched a movie and then fell asleep, leaving Hans and I to listen to music and admire the scenery of eastern France. While not as dramatic as Austria, France has its own sort of beauty.
There was a man in a beret walking a poodle at the first gas station we stopped at...I almost took a picture. Almost. It was just too perfectly French. I would have taken a picture if he'd been smoking (surprisingly, he wasn't) and carrying a loaf of French bread. Now that would have been a picture!
Anyway, we arrived at Disneyland just after lunch. The entire trip took just five hours and cost a little less in tolls than I thought it would. Which is nice, considering the dollar versus euro rate right now...it's awful.
We checked into our hotel. All of the hotels at Disneyland have "themes". Ours was the Cheyenne Hotel...so the theme was African safari. I kid. The theme was the American West, surprise! The hotel was really cute, actually. On the outside, anyway. It was set up in a series of small buildings, all made to look like the main street of an Old West town. We were in the Jesse James building. There was also a Calamity Jane, Cochise, Sitting Bull, and to my severe disappointment, a Wild Bill Hickok building *. I really would have liked to stay at the Wild Bill Hickok building. Oh well.
So. Those of you who have been to Europe are well aware that European hotel rooms are usually a little less...opulent than we are used to in the US. Unless, of course, you stay at really crappy hotels in the US. I tried to keep reminding myself of this fact as we checked into our extremely expensive hotel room. I tried to keep an open mind. I failed.
The size of the room was actually decent. The furnishings were cute and certainly appropriate for the Old West theme. Meaning, the bed was merely a mattress on a crude wooden frame. A very small mattress. They could have foregone the TV completely because the one they offered was maybe 13". The kids were overjoyed to discover that they had bunkbeds. I'm glad that they were happy. I, meanwhile, was noting the fact that they gave us four extremely small and threadbare towels, no handtowels or washcloths and a little bar of soap. Period. End of story. The bathroom was none too clean, either. Grotty is a good word for the bathroom. And speaking of linens, our beds were equipped with the flattest pillows I've ever seen, a fitted sheet and a comforter. No sheets came between us and the bedspread. I tried hard not to have nightmares about black lights all night long...
God bless me, I'm sure this is just the way they operate. It's just...for $400 per night...I was expecting at least a washcloth and some fluffy pillows. Dang. So, we were a little disappointed in the room.
However, we shook it off and proceeded to the park. Had a meal "on the cheap" at a little cart vendor. Three hot dogs, two Cokes. $25. Ack. I mean, I knew that food was going to be expensive. I thought I was prepared, but when one is getting charged $8 for two Cokes...eeek. The Kuehl in me rebelled against that. I wish we could have brought our own food in, but they search bags at the entrance and confiscate food. We witnessed someone getting can after can of Heineken pulled out of their backpack.
The weather was cool and gray, which was good in that the park was almost empty. We toured Frontierland first, rode the paddlewheel boat, checked out a couple of shops, completed target practice at the toy gun range. Josiah and Annika got to meet Woody and Jessie from "Toy Story" (pictures to follow). That was adorable...he was so excited and just had to give Woody a big hug. The pictures tell the whole story.
We then took the Disneyland train over to Fantasyland. Had another snack (because we're schmucks and enjoy handing over our money). Rode the Dumbo flying-elephant ride, which everyone thouroughly enjoyed. Annika was very disappointed to have to get off. She tried to get back into our Dumbo and threw a tantrum when I tried to explain to her that we had to exit and let other people have a turn. I'm sure it's hard for a two-year-old to understand. And the rides were a little short.
Then we did the teacups. Hans did not throw up. We're all very proud of him!
Then, "It's a Small World". Actually, we rode that three times in a row. It was getting close to closing time and there was almost no line, so we got off the boat, ran around and went through three times. The kids really enjoyed it...they were actually struck speechless. Which means they are either sleeping or completely awed by something.
So...we had fun on Thursday afternoon. We were in the park for about three hours and I feel like we accomplished a lot and enjoyed ourselves.
Friday, we woke up, got ready to go and headed down to the saloon or whatever to have our "included in the room price" breakfast. Oh silly me, for as much as we paid for that room, I was expecting a good spread. Eggs, bacon, toast with fifteen varieties of jams and butters, hash browns. More bacon. Possibly a third serving of bacon.
Wroooonnng. It was "continental" breakfast...I experienced breakfast disappointment on a grand scale. After tossing and turning in the miniscule bed (besieged by fears of bedbugs), showering in the grimy shower, drying off with a towel the size and absorbancy of a Kleenex, and observing that it was raining (hard) outside...the least I expected was a fantastic breakfast.
What we got was croissants and jam, cheese cubes, dry cereal and Nescafe. The place was absolutely thronged. No order existed anywhere. Oh, did I mention that Europeans generally don't believe in queues, in standing in line nicely and neatly? This trait was bad enough in the park, but worse when trying to procure my plate of croissants. Oh, not to mention that hello! The tongs are there to use, not to adorn, people!!
Luckily, the rain stopped mid-morning, so we headed over to the park. We went first to the Disneyland Studios park, rode some rides. It was sunny for awhile, then suddenly, without warning, the sky darkened and it was raining and then hailing on us. Everyone pushed and shoved and rushed all of the theaters and indoor attractions.
Twenty minutes later, it was sunny again. Then gray and drippy, then sunny. I swear, I have never seen any place with such moody damn weather as Paris. No wonder the French are so grouchy. Actually, all of the French people we met at Disneyland were very pleasant. Well, except for the one guy at the gift shop who was extremely nice to me and making comments about my French name and was my husband nobility and blah, blah, blah (with an accent), but when Hans came around, was very rude to him.
Anyway. Around 3:30, Hans looked at me and I looked at him and we headed for the exit point. Checked out of our hotel early, loaded up the car and headed for Stuttgart. We're not sure what happened. Perhaps it was the weather. Perhaps it was our utter disappointment with the hotel. Perhaps it was being pushed, shoved and smoked on by everyone. Perhaps it was the fact that our children, despite being at Disneyland, were bored. Perhaps it was the fact that Hans and I are really quite anti-social people and hate crowds and had really gotten in over our heads. I don't know. All I know is that I won't be going back to Disneyland Paris.
Thank you, dear readers, for letting me vent. And now, let me share some of the pictures of the good moments. Because there were a few. Good moments.
* Have just finished season one of HBO's "Deadwood". It is fantastic. Go out immediately and beg, borrow or steal it. And be prepared for the most egregious use of the "f" word ever. Seriously, someone should make "Deadwood" into a drinking game. You'd be drunk in 10 minutes flat. It's still excellent though. The show I mean, not the swearing or the proposed drinking game.
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