Five Years and Counting

I am a very bad wife, I'll admit it. I completely forgot about our five-year anniversary until a couple of days ago. While writing down the day's date I thought "Goodness, our annivesary is in two days!". Then I forgot about it again in the midst of getting a rental car for tomorrow's trip to New Jersey and running last minute errands around Newport. I don't have a good excuse, I just plain forgot.

Hans and I tend to be a little lax in the area of celebrating these things. I don't know why that is. It's not because either one of us is un-romantic. On the contrary, I think my husband is very romantic and anyone who knows me knows that I read way too much Laverle Spencer growing up. Actually, that sort of reading really didn't do me any good because it totally skewed my perception of what romance is. I'm only just starting to learn what real romance is: the husband who changes the dirty diaper I pretend not to smell!

For five years of marriage (and one of dating beforehand), we have lived and loved. It hasn't always been easy. I know it's not easy for anyone. I think a lot more marriages would survive if people went into them knowing that it's not as simple as it looks. Being a military family brings its own unique set of marital stressors, like 17 hour work days on the ship, deployments and frequent (sometimes international) moves. As of Monday, we'll have moved five times in our five years of marriage. I'm glad that we're getting all of these experiences under our belt now...we'll feel ready to really "settle down" after Hans retires!

I still have a lot of control issues. There are some things that I've learned to let go of...I'm sure Hans is thinking "Now what two things would those be?!". Because I was single for so long, I learned to take care of myself and I still find it hard to hand over the reins when my husband steps in to help out. I can't help but tell him when I think he's driving too fast or when he needs a new pair of jeans or a million other things that I think of as "helping" but he thinks of as simply annoying. I have read "The Surrendered Wife" about five times. I guess it's not working for me. I'm just too used to being in charge. Besides, it doesn't work for this military wife to get surrendered--my husband will go to sea for six months and I'm expected to be in charge. I've given up, but that doesn't mean I don't wish I could shut the hell up every once and awhile and spare both of us!

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here, just that it's been a growing and learning experience, these last five years. Certainly Hans and I have learned a great many things about each other, some of which we'd much rather forget. We've learned our strengths and weaknesses and how most of the time, we balance each other out. When he's cranky, I'm even-tempered and vice versa. He's the voice of reason when I start panicking over something stupid. He has kept me from falling completely over the edge many, many times. And I like to think that once or twice I've been his lifeline. He's pretty self-sufficient himself.

I wonder if we've reached some sort of milestone. I feel like I remember reading somewhere that most marriages end in the first few years. How many exactly, I don't recall. I should google that. I know we're doing better than a lot of celebrities. Of course, they have their own unique set of stressors too.

I'm trying to remember our wedding day. It was an evening wedding, so I had the majority of the day to sleep in, eat a liesurely breakfast in the opulence of the presidential suite, then head down to the spa to get pampered for a couple of hours. Then I sat alone in the room for a long time, thinking about life and the journey I was about to embark upon. Never did I feel anything akin to cold feet. I knew from the almost the moment I met Hans that that was that. I didn't stand a chance.

After awhile, things started picking up, people appeared at the door. I enveloped myself in myriad layers of satin and tulle and fur and dashed down to leave for Como Conservatory. Dad says he remembers stuffing me and my voluminous dress into the car. There's a picture that our photographer captured of me in the foyer of The Grand in full regalia--everyone around is smiling at me. People are peeking out of doors. I must have been radiating happiness and love.

I don't remember much about the actual ceremony. I think I was just a little nervous, but more stage fright than anything else. I just remember seeing Hans' little smile when I got to the front and feeling a great surge of emotion when I repeated after the minister "all the days of my life". And then it was done. The pictures of the moment he announced us as married show us clasping hands with a look somewhere between relief and amazement. Like we had just run a marathon. A marathon that was completely uphill.

I wonder where we'll be five years from now. Celebrating our tenth anniversary and hopefully somewhere more romantic than the Navy Lodge. It is not romantic here in the least. Oh well, wherever on earth it is, at least we'll be together.

Love you, Kit.